They Wouldn't Call It Life If It Were Easy

Recently, in the Recipes section, several us took an opportunity to poke fun at RockyMountainRay's admirable life style. I admire his commitment and dedication to leading what is clearly a far healthier life style than mine. Some of that discussion started straying way beyond recipes and began to take on a flavor of "Life's Philosophy."

That said, I thought I'd share some tongue-in-cheek ways I've looked at life. Hope you enjoy them and maybe smile a little thinking about how true they might be:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you pass gas.

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with your wife. Neither one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to keep your mouth shut -- like when your wife asks, "Does this skirt make me look fat?"

23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on the butt ... then things get worse.

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (Could this apply to TM owners and their "snawball lists" and constant minor modifications?)

26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

29. THE DAY MOST WASTED IS ONE IN WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED!

30. This one you'll find over there to the left, under the dancing Blues Brothers -- and I really do try to make that my life's mantra.