East Coast Battening Down

Hurricanes are a serious matter to folks living in N. Carolina (especially the Outer Banks) and the Tidewater area of VA. Having lived there and endured a few hurricanes myself, I know how apprehensive folks who live there may be. I also know that they have a great sense of being able to roll with the punches no matter what Mother Nature throws their way.

The article below was written in the Norfolk newspaper (Virginian Pilot) today by Dave Addis. It gave me a chuckle and I thought you'd all enjoy it:

Hurricane Etiquette Quiz

You have boarded up your sliding-glass doors and moved into the garage everything that might become airborne, including the wife and kids. But your neighbor Lennie's patio furniture, barbecue gear and garbage cans are still sitting outside, waiting to become Scud missiles aimed directly at your house. You should:

1. Gently prod him to action by advising, ``Say there, Lennie, might be time to batten down the ol' hatches, eh?''

2. Offer to help: ``Say there, Lennie, need a hand getting all those umbrellas and hanging plants inside?''

3. Sneak out in the dead of night and chop all of Lennie's deck furniture and other yard toys into pieces about the size of a deck of playing cards.

You enter the canned-goods aisle of the local Sprawl-O-Mart and notice that just one can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew remains. An elderly woman has it in her sights and is bearing down on it with her shopping cart. You should:

1. Bend over, pluck it from the bottom shelf and graciously place it in her cart while wishing her godspeed and good fortune in the coming storm.

2. Say aloud, seemingly to yourself, ``Y'know, I heard a scientific study found that Dinty Moore Beef Stew is a source of gallstones, arthritis, advanced hearing loss and certain failure in the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.'' After she passes, quietly slip the can into your cart.

3. Dive for the Dinty Moore as if it were a fumble on the goal line in the last seconds of the Super Bowl. Leap to your feet, wave the can above your head while doing the chicken dance, then slam it into your cart and scream, ``In your face, grandma!''

Eight days before the storm arrives, your neighbor Chuck already has installed his sanded, three-quarter-inch, custom-fit plywood storm sheeting -- triple-varnished with marine-grade coating and secured with 1.5-inch stainless steel screws, each exactly 16 inches apart, with mahogany corner-frame pieces expertly crafted into mortise-and-tenon joints. It would make Bob Vila faint with envy.

Meanwhile, you are trying to cover your sliding-glass doors with a mix of tarpaper, leftover L.L. Bean boxes, carpet tacks and some Elmer's Glue-All. As the two of you assay your work before hunkering down, you should:

1. Admit that Chuck is by far the better handyman and promise that the next time a storm approaches, you'll bake him a nice souffle if he'll handle all the storm-panel construction.

2. Say aloud, wonderingly, ``Y'know, Chuck, I read somewhere that the stronger your window panels are, the more vulnerable your roof will be in a hurricane. I wonder if that's true.'' Then duck inside, knowing that you've just driven Chuck to the edge of incipient mental breakdown.

3. File a police report claiming that somebody has stolen your three-quarter-inch, triple-varnished, mortise-and-tenon storm panels and all your stainless-steel screws. Don't openly point to Chuck's house, but sorta face that way as you're filling out the forms for the officer.

If you answered ``No. 3'' to all of the questions above, you may be my long-lost brother and we really should get together sometime -- after the storm. Meantime, good luck, bro.

I really enjoyed that article! Thanks for sharing it with us.

For those of you who are in Isabel's path, our thoughts will be with you. Hope you stay safe.

Still working to put things back together five years after being flooded out, I pray no one has to go through that. But remember things are only things and can, in time, be replaced or lived without. Keep yourselves safe!

I think the ever first chat in our new chatroom was Bob Wilson and myself. I was telling him about the OBX being so private, and not built up a whole lot, and a very nice place to stay. He asked me why? I said because of all the hurricanes that decend on it. Next couple days later, here comes Isabel! Welp, now ya know Bob! Chuckle........But seriously, good luck to all those people who have to deal with it. I do, but won't be too bad anyway where I'm at. (SW Virginia). Oh, and great artical Efelker, thanks for sharing!

[glow=red,2,300]Happytrails.........[/glow]

The humor aside -- we'll be watching the storm carefully. My daughter's family lives on the Nansemond River in Suffolk VA and my son's family lives on the Chesapeake Bay opposite Annapolis on Kent Island.

Ed

[kempert]

: Guys - You gotta keep your prioities straight. All of the local schools, colleges, and the courts around here are closed tomorrow as the hurricane bears down on us. However, a new shopping mall is scheduled to open tomorrow and they still plan to do it. I guess they think all the people with free time will show up. Go figure!

Kemp:

... probably all spending their tax cut to stimulate the economy.

;D Now that was funny, tax cut, boy you sure can tell them.

Good luck guys. We are praying for you!

ColoradoCop 8)

Hi all,

Thanks for everyone's concern. So far so good here in Virginia Beach.

Our windows are boarded & hopefully cleaned up all the missle hazards.

Wind right now is not too bad, rain moderate streets still seem here to be draining ok.

Damage so far we have lost 1 large branch off of our Bradford tree in the back yard, but these are prone to breaking.

I still have a large Silver Maple & Pine tree standing although small branches missing. I am hoping that if they go it happens before the wind shifts to the south, then they can fall away from the house.

We have our TM parked on the west side of the house, which is the best protection we can provide.

Take care.

Dan